soul speaking

just because jnp is a promoter now doesnt mean he doesnt still have his feelings or his careness for other people. we gotta live somehow. we gotta make it better than just doing nothing. im one who has to constantly do something or will DIE. if nothing comes your way for a very long time, & suddenly got gives you lemons , what'd you think i'd do? i would make some motha' effin lemonade! plus it makes money on the side. whats there to hurt when theres money involved am i right? we live in a world where they dont suck your blood for enjoyment anymore, no ... we live in a world where they take our hard earned cash. people are mad for money. i mean have you've seen what people say & do to get your money?! haha rediculous. but hey it happens right? you know what i miss the most? not only my money i've all had but the love i have gotten before. the older you grow up the more it seems that love is the hardest thing you can find. even in some friends you cant find. its really sad and true. i also miss the time where i thought there could be a way that my mother would wake up & breath to see what she is messing up on. shes in this fantasy land where every little drop of money comes around she gambles or buy beer or liqour with, & people asks me why am i an alcoholic .. i mean its no excuse but when its handed to you even from your own parents ... lmao yeah im gonna reject that. i looked at myself in the mirror & DID NOT SEE THE SAME GUY. at first i was scared. second i thought how did i change for so long & not realiazed it. answer is that i did, i was just ingoring reality. i use to always double think before act & always had so much manners. where did all that go? i was such a good wisdom giver, but now when i give advice it sounds like its not good enough. what happened to just regular hanging out, regular movie nights? i've been doing that & i tell you it feels good. i wanna stay young. & not grow up too fast. i want people to awknowlegde that im not a kid anymore but still knows how to have inocent fun. why does it always have to end up ," i need a drink, oh yeah me too etc.etc." i mean really? is life that bad sober? i dont know. i just need to know is there anyone out there who can love & care & worry & feel real anymore?