leo.

You may seem to be bright and cheery today, yet there may be a darker story hidden behind your bright eyes and friendly smile. It is commendable that you aren't flaunting sadness or anger, for sharing positive energy is surely better than spreading gloom. But there is a price to pay for withholding your truth, and the negativity could find a way to circle back and kick you from behind. Find a healthy way to express yourself so you can shine your light even brighter.

i always fall for horoscopes.

dont like being used.

then dont hang out with people who are obviously there to just be another hangout. friends are the ones who actualy say & do miss you not to say i miss you to go kick it. they cant make time for you but as soon as they have nothing they hit you up. gawhs. i feel like i am getting tired of everything but also everyone is tired of me. im so bittersweet now im a jerk. i know i am. & i hate it. i need time away so i can come back to being my old sweet proper gentleman that i am. god please help me.

i miss alot of things

i miss my friends, i miss how i close i was to alot of people, i miss actualy being in a realtionship. it really sucks how the past catches up to you. bleh. arshhole. but we meet new friends & we make new memories right? i told mysel fi would slow down on the drinking but i am drink alot stlll. like alot alot. holy cow. anywhoo i never noticed how i am so stuck on hannnah montana right now. omg. im gay. haha.

NIKK WONG. I MISS YOU PERVERT.

i wish

iwish i can tell  my friends how much i love them & most importantly i wish i can show my family how much i love them. its a shame i cant do that.

hate hate hate

I hate losing shit and you can't do anything about it. seriously fml. I went to the theatres today and on the way home I thought hey lets have a cig. but they weren't in my fuckin pockets noo. I lost them! a brandnew pack gone. fml. stupid shit man and ciggerettes are hella more money now like wtf. we are already killing ourselfs for them might as well make it cheaper damn fucking bastards. its my bbq tomorrow and I don't think anyone remembered. and idont even know if I could afford all the food. fml. I need a real job and real money. hate this slow money shit. " fast money slow money but never no money'just gotta keep that to mind. blah I wish life was easier. god help me.

hung over.

literally hung over, & just hung over with my life. its really time to actually stay sober for a while. and be happy authentically.& think more about whats more important than going to parties, i've been going to so many parties even for a 50 year old. its really sad to say that i am very young still & shouldnt be living a life like this yet. its what i was born into & raise as but i am more than this, i am a proper loving brother, friend, cousin, grandson, nephew, & influence. i shouldn't flaunt my parting habits to my friends nor my family.

i miss you

i saw my mother & little siters yesterday & i have never felt so cold hearted. they were crying & i was just standing there, having watery eyes. thinking abut how i am the worse person ever. & my mtoher jsut said i love you & hugged me three time crying. and i never been so sad about life. i hate the way things are. i much rather have a family then this life i call life. i mean its amazing, but party & never see family? it sucks. & the worse part is its because we can get on an agreement on anything. & my sister said," jhon.. i really miss the old days.. remember when you saw us more? remember when life was easier & money came easy? i hate life jhon.. " i never wanted to hear anything like that from my little sister. i wish i can pause life & just put the peices together while they wait but its not that simple is it?  i  hate seeing my sisters struggle. i mean i dont ever mind struggling myself because one i am a guy that has been through this since ever. so its not much. but to have my sisters be having a hard head in the dirt its not okay. i want them to do better than me, im going to go far but i would love to see my sisters go farther. it would make me so happy. dear god. i need help.

i woke up to.

i woke up to the sound of water splashing out the water hose but i forgot i was at kathys house & it was just actually wet outside because of the rain & its the cars that past by from the freeway. haha scared the hell out of me because i felt like i was going to drown for some reason haha. i feel like because of my friends im getting to learn more & more about me. i mean i know them but im so into getting to know my friends i lost myself you know? but anywaysss. sammy & vanny had a great bbq at coulon the WHOLE day yesterday & i was very stuffed so stuff when i drank alot last night i only got tipsy hahaha. & alot means alot. but i went to beautiful melindas house after the bbq & met some guys that was pretty chill & funny. drank with everyone & got lost for a quick minute & then arrived to the party where nikk was at! haha i was happy becayse i didnt get a hold of nikk to go to the bbq with me it woulda been great if he had came also because there was alot of plain stuff for him to eat, well not plain but you knnow , no sugar hahaha. but oh i saw gracielle & april at the bbq too, & jhonathan KIMMM, & idk how to spell the other guys name but lets say it starts with an E hahahahhaah. oh & got so many compliments on my hat it was crazy & people always ask where'd you get that, YOU KNOW WHY? SO THEY CAN GET IT TOO! haha i always reply internet. so people think i always either stole it, have fairy god parents , or im a guy who likes to keep his clothing names inside his closet, which only the last one is very true haha. but i am at KMEAS's hosue & waiting for her to get off her suppose to be day off at work, day at work haha. she said she'll be home in a little bit thuogh. im not goign to hold on to that but i will not care hahahha. so tomorrow is monday & that is when lisa comes back from her marathon from uw seattle, to portland oregon. CRAZY! for her doing it i am goign to give her my lucky pearls haha. i mean how often do you find a pearl in your oyster? I FOUND TWO! haha ones ugly though. but its okayyy. haha tomorrow is also the first day of the cabin trip which i am so not ready for but im just gonna go with it haha. i need my cloths though!

friends!!

i gotta admit my friends are almost everything to me, they not only keep me happy but keep me inspired to make myself better. i hate the fact that the world is so competitive but i also like the fact that because it is, it makes you want to thrive some more. haha there is always a negative to a positive, vice versa. i got picked up by emily this morning & i saw meiko in the front seat, & emily almost ran a red light haha, we went over to nicks house & i was pretty surprised on how they all got something pierced.  everyday more & more i think i am surrounded by piercings, it almost make me want to take out all my piercings but thats such a  waste of money i've already done it so why bother. we ended up meeting up alissa calveen & this girl that really looks like michelle, it was scary close. after we met up emily & nick bought earings & lip studs, haha they are looking mighty sexy bomb now. & then went to great wall & nick, calveen, & i went on this little carousel haha it was fun  but it made me really lightheaded, then we watched ghost of girlfriends pasts, AGAIN! haha i hate watching it because ... ksbnghdbjg it makes me sad hahah! i was thinking about how the fuck am i ever going to get someone or how will i ever find the one? i never had that someone from the beginning. im always ALONE.  wahhhh.

fly like a bird

lol ... so im laying tryna think about what would I ever want to do and I want to fly hahaha without the ear ache the airplane gives you because that shit is hella painful gives me watery eyes kinda hurt hahha. but rain was the shit and I won the list whoot props to all my friends.

its the 4th of july

so happy 4th to err'one. hope everyone doesnt get burned in any way today. & dont get way too drunk haha. lets pray to god my back roads to faith will work.