i miss you

i saw my mother & little siters yesterday & i have never felt so cold hearted. they were crying & i was just standing there, having watery eyes. thinking abut how i am the worse person ever. & my mtoher jsut said i love you & hugged me three time crying. and i never been so sad about life. i hate the way things are. i much rather have a family then this life i call life. i mean its amazing, but party & never see family? it sucks. & the worse part is its because we can get on an agreement on anything. & my sister said," jhon.. i really miss the old days.. remember when you saw us more? remember when life was easier & money came easy? i hate life jhon.. " i never wanted to hear anything like that from my little sister. i wish i can pause life & just put the peices together while they wait but its not that simple is it?  i  hate seeing my sisters struggle. i mean i dont ever mind struggling myself because one i am a guy that has been through this since ever. so its not much. but to have my sisters be having a hard head in the dirt its not okay. i want them to do better than me, im going to go far but i would love to see my sisters go farther. it would make me so happy. dear god. i need help.