dear diary lol.

here i am again having more things to vent about. the other day i left my mothers place & this time im for sure i am not going to repeat the past & let this happen again, ive never yelled at my mother the way i did that night. i didnt even recognized myself. the way i was yelling & the things i said, was too harsh & no one should deserve that but somehow my mother got that side of me out & so i gave it to her. my mother is nearly a spilt image of a mother that clearly doesnt know how to portray as a mother. she has five kids & still dont know how to respect her own childrens wishes & she doesnt even try to get to know them, one example : she doesnt even know whats my favorite food or favorite color. that is sad. when i know her inside out while all of us [her children] do. my mother have never striked at before but that night she also did that, & of course i didnt want to hit back so the only way i could get her off me was to just cleary push her onto my bed & say get off me *****. so thats when my brother held her back & she turned around & slapped him also. but i am clearly stating out too much information. you know its bad when you walk upstairs to say bye to your little sisters & right when you walk in thier room they say, " you dont have to worry jhon, you dont have to explain just be safe." sobbing walking up to them to say im sorry, & sadly thats all i could say i repeated it & said, " you kno i love you & you know you could always text me, i'll be here for you in a heartbeat." i just hate leaving my little sisters thats the only thing that truly shot me in the heart, because when i was arguing with my mother i didnt shed a tear at all she was & i was actually laughing at her. i feel so bad for my step dad, she got it the worse but they all made thier mistakes & its clear to see they are paying for it. as for me ... im living without my little sisters here anymore. its back to how i use to live when i was younger, seeing them the most 15 times a year. i see it coming. god i wish i could jst take them & move into my own place & just kesgbhkskgdbkgs i wish i was a millionre. money does count people. REMEMBER THAT. money can BUY YOU HAPPINESS.